Awake...

It's 3:16 on Monday morning and I can't sleep. I did sleep from 10pm -12am, but then I fed and changed Silas, checked in on Evan who was still working, and then Jeremiah came into our bed. For some reason my mind would not focus on good things and instead wanted to keep thinking of a scary movie I saw years ago. So here I sit, reading blogs and wishing I were asleep, because when I have to get up in a few hours I will be tired.

Also, I might have been or might still be pregnant. Confusing? On Thursday night I got the tell-tale queasiness that feels like pregnancy and not like being sick. It went away, but on Friday night about the same time it was back. Evan and I talked about the prospect of being pregnant so soon after Silas. It isn't my first choice time-wise (I don't miss being pregnant yet, can still remember the pain, and still have a young baby), but we will take children whenever the Lord gives them to us and by the end of our conversation I was emotional about it, but happy. Later that night my stomach started hurting like I might be getting a stomach bug. Saturday was spent in bed all day because of a lack of sleep from stomach pain. Evan so nicely took care of the boys and gave me a break. Yesterday, I was feeling better, but still having random pains every once in awhile. Then last night I started bleeding, which I still am. So I most likely was pregnant and most likely now am not. We will have to wait and see how it all plays out.

It's hard because the thought of being pregnant just entered my mind a few days ago with this baby who is no more than 3 weeks old, so I haven't exactly gotten attached. I feel like I should feel sad, and I do when I think about how we could have had another baby, but at the same time it is hard because I am not attached. If I do lose this baby I am grateful that it happened early on and I pray that it is in heaven, happily praising God. It's just hard, because I am not sure how I should feel, and as of yet, don't feel much.

God and His sense of humor

I have to love God and His sense of humor. The day I posted my previous post I was at the end of my patience when it came to waiting for direction. I just needed something to happen...anything! I blogged about my frustration and by the end of the day two of my frustration blockades had been torn down.

1. Evan got his substitute license.
2. Evan received a time for an interview.

I was a little bit ashamed at the end of the day that I had so lacked patience in these areas. I am convinced that God chose that day for these events to happen to show me that He is indeed still working behind the scenes even when it seems like everything is at a standstill.

Since then Evan has had his interview and we are waiting to hear back from the school in the next week or two. He has also registered with the school district here and is awaiting their call to substitute. This is where we are in life at the moment.

Since it was Evan's birthday yesterday we get to go out for dinner and a movie tonight...baby free. Let me just say that I am quite excited about this. If we were to move away I think I would miss the baby-free date we go on every week the most. Because it was his birthday we should get to stay out a little later than usual. My parents should be able to get Jeremiah down to sleep since we have resorted to the cry it out method. While I hate putting him in his crib and leaving him to cry, he is 11 months old and still cannot go to sleep without us "holding his hand" or continuously laying him down for an hour. It has worked for the last two days and he has been crying less and less so we are crossing our fingers that this is our final solution.

That is all I have to post about today though I heard through the grapevine that I need to post more often. Getting more comments which would show me that people actually read this would help me to have the desire to post daily (which Evan said he would provide time for). We shall see.

A new year already...

I can't believe that it is a new year already. I also can't believe that Jeremiah is 10 months old tomorrow! Time flies so fast when you have kids.

At the moment we are trying to undo some "accidental parenting" that we did in the sleep department with Jeremiah. We have never really had a plan with him when it came to sleep. We just kind of did whatever worked for the night, including him sleeping in our bed consistently for awhile. Well no one gets good sleep with that arrangement and frankly I don't want him to be sleeping in our bed till he is 5. I like a little alone, away from baby time each night as well. I have also been getting him to sleep in his crib every night at least for a few hours.

The problem is that he never learned how to soothe himself if he wakes up and how to go to sleep on his own. Consequently, he is almost a year and is still not sleeping through the night. That fact is further frustrating because he was such a great sleeper in the beginning. We thought we'd have no problems in this area! We are serious about this now and are engaging in a battle of the wills every night from now on in an attempt to get him to sleep on his own and to sleep for the whole night. The hard part is that he has a very strong will. We'll see who is still standing after a few days.

Wish us luck!