Awake...

It's 3:16 on Monday morning and I can't sleep. I did sleep from 10pm -12am, but then I fed and changed Silas, checked in on Evan who was still working, and then Jeremiah came into our bed. For some reason my mind would not focus on good things and instead wanted to keep thinking of a scary movie I saw years ago. So here I sit, reading blogs and wishing I were asleep, because when I have to get up in a few hours I will be tired.

Also, I might have been or might still be pregnant. Confusing? On Thursday night I got the tell-tale queasiness that feels like pregnancy and not like being sick. It went away, but on Friday night about the same time it was back. Evan and I talked about the prospect of being pregnant so soon after Silas. It isn't my first choice time-wise (I don't miss being pregnant yet, can still remember the pain, and still have a young baby), but we will take children whenever the Lord gives them to us and by the end of our conversation I was emotional about it, but happy. Later that night my stomach started hurting like I might be getting a stomach bug. Saturday was spent in bed all day because of a lack of sleep from stomach pain. Evan so nicely took care of the boys and gave me a break. Yesterday, I was feeling better, but still having random pains every once in awhile. Then last night I started bleeding, which I still am. So I most likely was pregnant and most likely now am not. We will have to wait and see how it all plays out.

It's hard because the thought of being pregnant just entered my mind a few days ago with this baby who is no more than 3 weeks old, so I haven't exactly gotten attached. I feel like I should feel sad, and I do when I think about how we could have had another baby, but at the same time it is hard because I am not attached. If I do lose this baby I am grateful that it happened early on and I pray that it is in heaven, happily praising God. It's just hard, because I am not sure how I should feel, and as of yet, don't feel much.

74 days and counting...

We have 74 days until we move to Indonesia! How crazy is that? It is so weird to think that we will be moving to such a new life in so few days. It will be busy up until then as well. May involves trips to our churches in Eugene, Salem, and Yakima to let everyone know what we are up to and how to pray for us. June involves spending two weeks with Evan's family on the East Coast including North Carolina and Florida (our hot weather and plane practice runs). After that trip we have about a week and then we fly far, far away.

Lately we have been preparing by buying things. Evan has to get two years worth of clothes, including ones for work, here since he is bigger than most Indonesians. So we have been spending money right and left, which is a bit unnerving, but fun at the same time. We never get to just spend money, but right now we have to. We have bought a whole bunch of other things as well and since we are actually doing pretty well time-wise we can still shop around and get good deals.

On another note...I am 22 weeks pregnant and I am starting to feel big and bulky. I have had the pregnancy belly for sometime now even when my sister who is farther along than me was not showing. I guess my uterus got excited that it gets to go to work again and popped right back into doing what it knows how to do...stretch. I just think it's funny. I love being pregnant and it's exciting because you get a cute baby as a payoff at the end. I still can't even imagine all the work having a newborn and an 18 month old will be, but I am sure having a maid in Indonesia will help. :)

The ideas are rolling around inside of my head...

For the last week or two I have had moments of, "I need to blog about that" but never did it. Of course I have an excuse and my excuse is Evan. When I asked for the computer today he said that I could have it when his fingers were dead and cold. As you can see I am married to someone who is quite attached to his electronics. In reality he lets me use the computer whenever I ask and is much more gracious about it than I am.

Lately I have been having "you know you are pregnant when..." moments.
For example: "you know you are pregnant when..."
*If in the movie, School of Rock where Jack Black is talking to different students and telling them that they are great at this or that...makes you want to cry, then you are probably pregnant.

Ok, so I had a lot more examples but have forgotten them. Oops...I must be pregnant.

Jeremiah and I went to the Gresham Mom's Club playgroup today. I was very excited to get to hang out with some other moms and babies. I can be a bit shy in the beginning of things or meeting people, but I have thought about going since September. During the fall I didn't have a car so that was my excuse for being cooped up in the house all day and not having any friends. Now though I need to be around other moms so badly that I faced my fears and did it. It was actually a God thing. I had been thinking about getting involved in one of the mom's clubs around here and on Sunday I was really convinced that I needed to go to one. When I got home from church and looked at my email I had a message from the president of the mom's club inviting me to come to the playgroup. So I did.

It was at a church in Gresham, though not affiliated with a church. I had to drive there all by myself and I think I did some pretty good stick driving (that was the part I was more scared about). I found the church and went inside to where they were having some sort of meeting. I knew that the group met downstairs, but when I went down there were a ton of children's classrooms and I didn't know which one they met in. I listened to see if I heard any children and after a few minutes (I got there early) I heard someone go through a door. So I followed whoever it was and found where the group met. Yay! Jeremiah had fun playing and I had fun being there though I was not as outgoing as I would have liked. There were about six moms and nine kids all three and under. It was good. Good to get out of the house and good to be brave.

I thought I had a lot more to say, but if I don't blog right away I guess it goes out of my brain.

The 9 month mark

So you may or may not have heard the news, but...I am pregnant...again! The nice thing about not using birth control is that we don't really worry about getting pregnant or are surprised and unprepared when it happens. We actually expect it every month. Each month we wait for "the time" to come and if it doesn't, well then we probably have another child on the way. Usually every month I think I am pregnant. "I feel kind of queasy...I must be pregnant." "I have to go to the bathroom a lot...I must be pregnant." So forth and so on. This month I actually thought I wasn't pregnant which makes it funnier that I am.

After I had Jeremiah I asked God for at least 9 months before I got pregnant again. Sure enough I got pregnant when Jeremiah was 9 months old. God is funny like that, but he sure does answer prayer (I joke that next time I will ask for a year :). It is not surprising though considering how Evan's and my life together has followed a 9 month pattern fairly closely.

Here is the breakdown:
Dating-Engaged: 9 months
Engaged-Married: 9 months
Married-Jeremiah: 9 months
Jeremiah-Pregnant #2: 9 months

Now in 9 months we will have another baby and 9 months later...who knows? Every 9 months though we do expect some big change in our life to occur which keeps life interesting.

We are excited about having a baby. This time it is a lot easier to not worry so much since I have a good idea of what will be happening. It is nice to already have that experience. The second pregnancy is also a bit harder though. Taking care of Jeremiah is a big job that demands a lot of attention so the thought of being pregnant gets pushed out of the way a lot. I am sure when I am huge then I will think about it more, but at the moment it is easy to forget that there is a little "bean" inside of me that will someday be my son or daughter. We will hopefully get on the Oregon Health Plan again, so soon I can visit the doctor. I want to hear the ultrasound of the little heart beat and make sure there is just one and not two.